Hey there,
If you’ve ever wondered, should I stay or should I go, you’re not alone. I think the right answer is (as a friend told me years ago), ‘you’ll just know.’ You may not know now, but if you are asking, the answer will come.
And it’s a big question. Because how do we ever really know? I don’t believe in ‘the one.’ Maybe because I’ve had many. And as we evolve we get to know ourselves more. What we want changes as we learn what really matters to us.
I believe anyone who gets to be a part of your life is there for many reasons. And vice-versa. We want to take our lessons without attaching so much to the person but more so your learnings from the experience.
And when someone is triggering you, remember, this is not about them. It’s about you. This doesn’t mean you stay when it’s not good. It doesn’t mean not owning your no. But it’s so easy to replace people these days, that we might miss it, by thinking someone else will be better. No one is perfect. Know what are your deal breakers and give people an opportunity to grow and change (evolve) with you. This can cultivate a deeper sense of trust and connection even with the hard times.
OK, so here’s a good question Terry Real says to ask yourself, and what to do next:
Am I getting enough in this relationship to make grieving what I’m not getting worth my while?
If your answer is no, you know what to do.
If your answer is yes, then embrace what you are getting, yet feel the pain of what you’re not getting. Just be with it and don’t walk off like a resentful victim. Appreciate the deal you just made with yourself. (Thank you Terry)!!
So pay attention and appreciate what you ARE getting. What you focus on grows.
Terry asks, do you want to be happier than the life you had as a child? So you make a choice. Who do you belong to? The family you grew up with or the family you’ll grow old with?
Esther Perel asks, do you want a love story or a life story?
Mark Groves’ therapist asked him: Could someone else love them better?
So, some food for thought here. All of these wise teachers have made me often stop to think about these big questions. And although I may not have all the answers right away, I trust that the answers will come and I’m always exactly where I need to be, learning more and more about my authentic self and that I only want to love. That means being more loving. And we have to give what we want to recieve.
All my love!
K 💛
