Well hello there!
Harvard's (85 year) Study of Adult Development suggests that the key to a fulfilling and healthy life lies in prioritizing and cultivating meaningful relationships with others.
Said another way - The #1 predictor of happiness is the quality of your relationships.
So is the question - how happy are you? OR is it - how is the quality of your relationships? Either way, they are directly related.
This makes me ponder the word EFFORT. Relationships take effort. How do you show up for yours?
Don’t you think that if people would spend as much time on their relationships as they do their business, they would probably also thrive? OK, maybe not enough time. Who are you being after work? Are your people getting the best of you, or the leftovers? Leftovers don’t last long. Are you tired or frustrated from a work day and take it out on loved ones? Or are you present and engaged with the precise people for whom you are working so hard for?
Your people care about you. They want the full you, not the depleted you.
Is a Netflix show more important than connecting with a loved one? No one would say yes to that. Nothing wrong with a great show, but are you on opposite ends of the couch missing out on the touch we all need and crave? Kids love to cuddle. So do adults.
Effort means checking in and tuning into another with your full attention. Effort can be shown with time, attention, gifts, compliments, helping out, cooking a meal, cleaning up, appreciation, holding a hand, giving hugs, going to visit, reaching out, making plans. You know you get what you give.
I have to check myself at times because I tend to be OK alone, rarely feeling lonely. I will wait for others to reach out to me and then I remember it has to go both ways. People notice.
I have the opportunity to help others feel cared for by my effort. And the connection feels great. I know for me, when my relationships are good, I am happier.
Please include your relationship to yourself in this. If you are depleted you don’t have much to give. So figure out how to fill yourself up so you can enjoy your life more.
Like a gas tank, you fill it up, use it up and refuel it. Some tanks last longer than others - it just depends how much you drive! Meaning, the busier you are, the more important filling up becomes.
Maybe someone you know needs this friendly reminder that you require more effort. Maybe it’s you that needs to step it up. Either way, here is my friendly reminder that we put effort into things we value. Surely you value your people. I know they value you.
All my love,
K 💛
