Hey there sweet friend,
Understanding yourself takes time, reflection and experience.
My ideals of what I believe love ‘should’ be and feels like changes as I examine where I am. It’s always a new experience because I’m different today than I was yesterday. Not in all ways of course, but we do grow.
I’ve always wanted to be ‘chosen.’ Is that a fairytale I’ve been told I should want or is it a deep longing that’s pure and true? Is your fairytale the same as mine?
Loving and feeling loved feels spectacular and yet I still marvel at the unknown - to not know what will happen in the end.
I contemplate the purpose of marriage and the choice to experience the full process of getting to know someone without an end game.
I am grounded and I dream. Where do my desires come from anyway? Only I can decipher this and each day provides me with new feelings and information. This is where life is deeply personal.
I’ve always enjoyed partnership. These days I’m tasting the grander benefits of a committed adventure and it feels like there is so much to look forward to.
Sure, there are boxes to check, visions to align and chemistry tied up in all of it. I’m realizing depth isn’t from baring your deepest fears or desires with someone in one conversation, but in just witnessing who we are over multiple conversations, situations and time spent together.
There’s a difference between thinking you know who’s good for you and seeing someone so utterly unique unfold right in front of you. To look forward to getting to know more about how they see the world, why they want to be successful, how they feel, what matters to them. This unfolds only with the patience, desire and curiosity to find out.
To look at someone you deeply respect and to know there is still so much to learn about each other provides excitement for the future. This is what commitment means to me. The desire to want to share your life with someone because together you get to build whatever you both want.
There are times it's so fun and feels so good I can see why I’d want to do it forever. It isn’t always fun. There are sides to me that aren’t pretty that I’ve had to address. That’s my side of the street and the only part I can control.
I thought deep love was for deep people. I’ve come to realize that we’re all deep, just not with everyone all at once. It takes time to get to that kind of safety and comfort to show that side to someone. And it can be so subtle. This kind of connection is built. Sure it might begin with an eye gaze of complete chemistry, but what unfolds can be magical. It can also be scary and make you want to run.
My hope for you reading this is to believe in deep love. In true union and compatibility. It takes work, patience, vulnerability and the belief that it can exist for you.
PS. You aren’t too old. And you don’t need to trade in your current partner. 😉
All my love,
K 💛
