Have better conversations!

‘Greetings of the season’ to you my friend!

This was a long and super interesting pod that we can benefit from in these times of extreme social media exposure and addiction (plus this time of year being with many). I really liked her persona along with the data she shared. Alison Wood Brooks, a Harvard Professor and author. Believe it or not, this is a much shortened version.

Are you a good communicator? What do you want through communication? There’s more to it than just connection.

• To be liked or loved

• To enjoy the conversation

• To feel safe and protected

• Achieve professional goals and advancing

• (there are many more motives in her book)

The higher and more achieved you are, you usually realize how important communication is.

There are layers to conversation - meaning there is way more going on than you might realize:

• Words/sounds

• Emotions

• Motives

• Beliefs

• Identity

Be receptive to opposing viewpoints. Memorize this phrase if you ever disagree with someone. It makes sense that you feel ______ about ______.

Validation comes first for someone to feel heard and communication to continue respectfully. Since you may not agree with their viewpoint, this follow up is great - Tell me more about that. How did you come to that?

This is the opposite of trying to be right or to win (which is a conversation stopper). It is our natural instinct to win so some empathy for us. It just doesn’t make us very receptive or relatable.

Another great reply (when you don’t agree) is, yes, and ______ (not but).

Here’s the TALK framework she teaches her students:

T - TOPICS

Prepare before you go (30 seconds)
Don’t need to avoid small talk, just don’t stay there too long.

• Small talk - any group of people can discuss

• Tailored talk - many, but not all

• Deep talk - only this group (my favorite talk 😉)... personal add here. I’ve had many deep talks, not just one group. It’s a type of person. And I think given the right space, questions and listening skills - we are all deep.

A - ASKING QUESTIONS

Ask more questions! You’ll be more successful in dating, work, meetings, collaborations, entrepreneurship. Especially for MEN - ask more questions!! Amen to that!

A ‘boomer’ is someone who asks someone something, relates to it and tells their story. Ugh. We’ve all done it. It just doesn't feel good. Just ask ONE more follow up question. We can all relate to others but it’s an enemy of good conversation. Be interested in the other first. You’ll get your turn. (Maybe not if they are not good at this). 🥱

L - LEVITY

Humor and warmth to prevent boredom, disengagement.

We need mutual engagement to achieve goals. Our minds wander 25% of the time during conversation, so it’s very normal.

You may not be funny, but you can be warm. You can use gratidude, call backs (returning to something that was discussed in the past. Shows you were paying attention and that makes people feel good).

K - KINDNESS

Use peoples names.
Prioritize their conversational needs.

Ok, it’s the holiday season, we're all very busy, so I’ll type the rest out after Christmas.

For my past/present/future clients - Over the holidays, try some of these things! I bet you’ll feel more connected and people will love talking to you!

To everyone else - same goes 😀

Please have a safe and happy holiday. You are needed here.

xoxo

All my love,
K 🎁