How do you handle confrontation?

Hello my lovely!

What comes to mind when you think of confrontation? Probably something negative I suspect. But let’s open up to the idea that it can be both negative and positive. The question is, how do you handle it?

One way it can be positive is in receiving a compliment. Some people are very uncomfortable with that. Or in receiving a gift. Some prefer to give, but not to receive. This is confronting for them.

Regardless, let’s agree that the point of it is to create connection and have the outcome be positive. The next question is, when do you confront?

If your goal is to punish, point out flaws or to make someone get it right next time, then it’s not yet the time to confront.

Anger, shame or guilt won’t get people to comply - and that’s bad. Help people learn about themselves, not to have them comply. To reestablish the relationship, know what the issue is. When you ______ it makes me feel_____.

1. Know your motive

2. Have empathy for all emotions

3. Be clear

4. Ask questions - don’t lead with what you know. Assume you don’t know everything

DON’T insult or make accusations. You can share your experience and then ask them what they're experiencing.

Talk about emotions but don’t stay there. Empathy has to go in both directions. Take responsibility for your part and plan to do it better.

1. Who’s problem is this? (Both until someone takes responsibility)

2. What is the problem? (Not the surface issue)

3. What are you going to do to clean it up?

When someone isn’t willing to take responsibility or be healthy you can try this:

Describe how you see it, how you feel and if they don’t adjust let them know their choice. Example: If this dynamic doesn’t change, I’m going to step back a bit from this relationship. Our relationship matters - here’s my part, here’s your part. Here’s what I’m going to do. (You don’t make them change, they decide).

ONLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PART. Some people become too responsible.

Hey guys, I’m getting better at this than I used to be! And so can you! Change happens when we do. Baby steps.

All my love,
K 💛