Hey there!
Here’s some interesting info on stress and how it shows up differently for men and women. I'll try to keep this simple.
Men solve problems. If they don’t solve the problem then there probably isn’t one.
Women want to talk about it.
In order to have work/life harmony (not balance) it might help to understand a bit about the hormones of stress.
Stress is made up of cortisol and adrenaline. In stress, your body believes it’s in danger.
There is a difference between fear and danger. Fear points out a possible danger. It puts you in the present moment to avoid the danger. If there is no physical threat, there is no need for fear.
Today people are in psychological fear. Most of it is in our heads.
If you’re in danger you must save yourself. The body will shut down your immune system and digestion to give you energy to run.
Our differences in dealing with stress can often increase the stress.
A woman's brain under stress looks like a man's brain on drugs.
Men produce 2x the serotonin (often called the body's "feel-good" chemical) in 24 hours than women. Low serotonin levels are linked to depression, and many antidepressants work by increasing serotonin in the brain.
Stressed out men tend to 'fight or flight' using the left side of their brain whereas in women it activates their emotional brain (limbic system).
The connective tissue that links both sides of the brain (allowing it to ‘cross talk’) is 25% smaller in men.
Men are single focused whereas women are multi-focused. (No good or bad, right or wrong).
Men don’t want to be interrupted. It annoys them.
Women want to talk, ask questions, and want to connect.
When a man's testosterone is higher, his cortisol (stress) is lower. A man's testosterone is higher in the morning and depletes throughout the day. He goes home and needs to recover (shuts down, naps, watches TV). He tries to forget the problems.
The best way to support a man in stress is to leave him alone.
Oxytocin is the hormone required to lower a woman's stress. When she is high in oxytocin (low stress) her blood pressure is reduced, fear goes down and she experiences feelings of attachment. Her oxy decreases (stress increases) when she feels alone, ignored, unsupported, unimportant, rushed, overwhelmed.
You see a little issue right? Man stressed out - leave him be. Woman stressed out - wants attention. We are opposite!
Testosterone generating activities at work reduce a woman's oxytocin levels.
So after you both come home from work you are both low on the feel good hormones (testosterone and oxytocin).
Try to just at least understand what is happening to your partner under stress. There is lots of info out there to increase your testosterone and oxytocin levels.
A good start is to realize that men need to feel needed and women need to feel they are not alone.
Oh, and ladies, here’s something you might not love. Men can help you increase your oxytocin levels by 10%. The 90% is on us to handle what we need to get out of stress.
Ha, no wonder I’m always amazed at how when I’m good, my partner is amazing to me! Do I have to be great all the time? Absolutely not. But I’ve stopped looking to him to make me feel better. He can help, for sure. But it’s on me mostly.
All my love,
K 💛
