Hello darling!
I always enjoy listening to Alison Armstrong teach about men. She’s studied men for years and I’ve found that understanding the dynamics of men and women just helps a ton in relating to each other. So I share this, to help you too!
Women unintentionally run (because of estrogen) with diffused awareness, which can sometimes make us seem distracted. Men (because of testosterone) have a more focused awareness. You want your man to hear you - talk to him when he’s not focused on something else.
Tip for women - ask committed questions. Which means, ask a question you want an answer to and wait (for as long as it takes) to get the answer. If you keep hitting him with more questions, he may just not answer at all.
Appreciate what he’s doing (even if it’s expected and what he ‘should’ be doing). Don’t withhold (sex, attention, appreciation, respect) if he doesn’t do what he should.
Make eye contact, smile and acknowledge men. We can often not do this for the fear that they might take it as an invitation. Men are starved for our attention so they may ‘come on’ to us. Keep your boundaries in place and you’ll be safe.
Men rarely state the obvious, hence they talk less than women.
Men live with the ever presence of death.
Women live with the ever presence of life. Women are constantly tracking.
Men are sensitive. The more they care, the more sensitive they are.
Women have emotions that physically hurt. If you’ve ever seen a woman fall to her knees - literally - she’s really hurting.
I’ve seen and heard what men put up with. I’m amazed at what they put up with and are willing to do for us. (Especially when asked appropriately and appreciated for it).
Women are two different people when they feel safe - or not.
Men need to be productive. They also need trust and respect. If they don’t think you trust him he won’t feel respected.
Men need to rest. Resting builds testosterone. Then they can produce.
Men don’t quite understand how a woman's feelings can be hurt when he didn’t intend to hurt her. (Part of why they think we’re crazy)!
There’s a difference between love as a feeling (women) and what would be a loving thing to do (men). Men marry women who feel they can make her happy and can give her what she needs. If he thinks he can never win, he may just stop trying all together.
Men have power. Women have power. They are different. Trying to take someone else’s power never works.
There’s a small percentage of bad men and there’s a small percentage of bad women.
Men want to protect us, yet women often attack men.
Our instincts can easily wreck our relationships. Instincts are meant for survival - not for happiness, fulfillment, support, love. So learning how to relate and applying the tools can help.
When expressing a need - explain when, what it would look like and what it would provide. EXAMPLE: Instead of me asking for more affection from my guy, I can say, hey when I get to your place tonight I’d love to make out. It’ll make me feel close to you, be more present with you and happy that we’re connected before we head out for the night with friends. It takes more time, but the results are worth the effort! (Try this for yourself and see what happens).
I’ve noticed when I make a request and not act demanding, he’s much more attentive.
Righteous indignation never works.
OK, there’s more but I’ll save some for next week!
All my love,
K 💛
