Good day to you!
Time to call myself out on this one! And share with you what I learned first hand.
Have you ever been angry, disappointed or hurt by your partner? Ha. Of course you have. Have you ever blamed them for your pain?
We can disguise this by saying ‘I need your support, I need a hug or some reassurance.’
And that’s a nice thing, until the anger comes up, your trigger is ignited again and you’re back in the fire.
When Esther Perel says, “today we look to our partner to give us what a whole village used to provide,” I wholeheartedly agreed. And I thought I’d never do that. Until I did.
What I learned is that when I’m feeling weak or emotional (hormonal), I need a supportive friend. NOT my guy. I got caught up thinking he should be there for me. You know hold me when I cry, tell me I’ll be OK.
It backfired. I ended up being rude and he ended up leaving me alone. The opposite of what I needed.
One person shouldn’t (or couldn’t) have to satisfy my every need. Sure, he’s my lover, my best friend, my travel companion, my confidante. But he isn’t responsible for my emotions and I don’t get to crap on him because of my hard day. In fact I really should never crap on him.
Sure, I can share what I go through, but it’s not his job to fix me. That’s on me. Once I realized where I had gone wrong (after a nice long walk the next day), it became clear to me where it all went wrong.
So I texted him:
I’m sorry. I should have gone to my girlfriends for the support I needed. I was hurting and ended up hurting you.
By the end of that day, I was on his couch enjoying a glass of wine and sushi and the issue was resolved. That was a quick turnaround for us, which tells me we are getting stronger together. #celebrate #theworkworks!
Don’t use your partner as an emotional punching bag. You won’t get the love you are longing for.
There’s a reason there are therapists and coaches. They are skilled, non-bias and safe. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can talk to me. Trust me, I’ll be able to relate and I’ll hold the space for you to get it all out - without damaging your important relationships.
All my love,
K 💛
